i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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