I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
