eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
