fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
