i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
