i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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