he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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