I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
