We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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