I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
