Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
