your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
