Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
