and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
