when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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