wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
