So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
