Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize