her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
