there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
