I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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