Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
