I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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