I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
