Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
