I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
