Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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