I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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