Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
