cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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