I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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