he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
