I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
