For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
