The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
