We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
