Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
