It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
