we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
