i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
