Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
