Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
