I think I won the penis lottery.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
