I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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