you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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