i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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