my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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