i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize