Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
