woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love having hate sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
