I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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