WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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