Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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