I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex on a dog bed..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
