so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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