if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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