Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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