that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
