Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
