i think my mom watched the whole time
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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