Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
