fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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