is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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