I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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