I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
