ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
