Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
