Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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