East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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