Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize