we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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