I cannot find my penis.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
