she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
